Sarah: My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. He rarely wants to have sex with me even though I want it all the time. He tells me he finds me attractive and I find him the same way but I just don’t know why he is like this? He has had lots of stress lately but what guy doesn’t want sex? He also watches porn so it’s not like he’s not thinking about it. Do you think he’s cheating? How do I know?Looking for your advice and thoughts please!!!
Marmee: First of all you have been together for 5 years which is enough proof that he is still into you. But the stress is just a phase he had to go through for the present time. While it is true that the sex drive is our drive to live, to thrive and grow, according to Freud such impulses motivates our actions. Since he is in a lot of stress lately, he copes up with it by a defense mechanism called ,”displacement”.
Freudian psychology defines it as an unconscious defense mechanism where his mind substitutes either a new aim or a new object for the completion of his goals in their original form. In this case, he turns to watching porn as a safe way to release his sexual urges for he fears that being under a stressful situation now, he is afraid he cannot perform 100% with you in bed. Why? Because his mind is preoccupied with his current problems in his thoughts.
Sex is more of a mental activity to achieve climax. So, as a partner, be understanding and supportive to him right now. These porn movies is his way to alleviate his anxieties for the moment. These displacement activities are just a temporary replacement to reduce his anxieties. Such behaviors of aimless porn watching just reflects a negative emotional condition that he is experiencing at the present times.
But if you feel that he will no longer get himself out of this stressful situation in the next few months then it becomes pathologic that I think he needs to seek professional help such as counseling. Thank you and come again sometime.
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